Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
