We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
