My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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