I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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