You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
