grandma shit on top of the toilet
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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