porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize