you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize
