Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
