i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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