He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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