Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
