fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
