what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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