So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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