Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
