My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you didnt know i had herpes?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
