just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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