Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize