just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
