i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
