Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
