I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
