I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We left the knife in your bed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
