Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
