oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
