I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
