He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
