I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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