SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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