i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
