Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
