i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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