She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
