it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
