She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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