I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
