I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
