I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
