Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
