I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
