$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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