the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
