Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
