grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
