Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
