i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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