There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
