News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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