my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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