Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
