so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
