I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
