can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's shark week go big or go home
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
