Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
