This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
