he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
