Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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