Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
