I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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