i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I sprained my soul last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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