nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
