sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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