Define "chronic" masturbator.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
