I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
