as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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