I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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