**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
