Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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